They are absolutely classless. They don’t care who they attack and their bites are a great leveller. Not even the young fit and gym toned look that attractive with a colony of red lumps on their back.
As I walk down the beach in the morning acutely aware that I am older than anyone on it (by at least 3 decades) the site of these red mountains affords me a small sense of justice; even the rich Russians on the other side of the island will be suffering from red blob disease.
After eight days of torrential downpours, I suspect even the most loved up of couples might be getting just a tad grumpy about the weather. I mean if you go to paradise for your honeymoon it’s sort of obligatory to arrive back in Blighty with a tan. I suppose they could coyly put it’s absence down to ‘not leaving the bedroom’ and blush a lot, but who will believe that? They’ve spent a fortune on these two weeks, they want something to show for it and, no, her spreading waistline next May is not compensation enough.
Not that I am, grumpy about the weather, not too grumpy anyway. I knew November was the second wettest month on the island, I’d done my research. A note to future Honeymooners, Luxor and Mauritius are your best bets for a hot DRY honeymoon in November. Forget the Caribbean, forget Thailand, forget just about everywhere else unless you like to gamble. The gods relieve themselves in abundance all over planet earth in November and a good deal of their waste ends up on a small island called Koh Phangan.
Asides from the weather It’s been a bumpy two days. On one hand the mosquitos, who are singularly odd in their fondness of the rain, and on the other It seems my wonderful all inclusive deal is not as all inclusive as advertised and I now find myself having to purchase breakfast AND my room clean. They may be Buddhists these Thai’s but the Money God still rules supreme. Actually I was getting a little egg bound so am not too upset about losing the omelette, and the walk down the river (I think it was a road a week ago) to the 7/11 for yoghurt and fruit is probably far better for me. The room clean seems bizarre. It seems that the management believe ‘long termers’ like to clean their own rooms. Do I fuck?! After a bit of haggling to soothe the Money God, the room clean is back on.
In fairness, I have moved from the hillside bungalow to a villa just next to the infinity pool and 50 yards from the beach, and I suspect that this is an upgrade, so I shouldn’t really complain.
Why would you build an infinity pool facing a concrete wall? The bit that isn’t infinite has steps leading up to the villas and a rather sweet Buddhist garden, the bit that is, infinity that is, faces a concrete wall and a tiny path that separates our little village of ‘villas’ from the next little village of ‘villas’. Perhaps they don’t make non infinity pools any more.
The rain has given me the opportunity to read – a lot. 4 books in fact. Blue Gold – Clive Cussler (not his best), The Night Circus – Erin Morgenstern (an intriguing first novel), The Angel of Grozny – Asne Seierstad (compelling), and Unbroken – Laura Hillenbrand (this one made me realises that a room clean was not that big a deal).
Added to that I have worked every other day on writing projects (the blog doesn’t count), swum for at least half an hour each day, discovered I can listen to play of the week on radio 4, played scrabble and words with friends; in fact not so different from how I fill my days back home except here I have the air con on not the heating.
A break in the God’s relieving themselves allows an hour or so of lying on the beach. Slathering factor 30 on top of my eau de mosquito repellent, I watch as the leather turns its first shade of pink and…they’re back. The white spots are back. Joy!
Thankfully the pharmacy is just down the river so a quick wade down the river/road later and after much discussion with the pharmacist as to whether it is a fungus or not, I wade back upstream clutching a tube of ointment covered in hieroglyphics.
Completely off topic, I was going to ask ‘she who must be obeyed’ to open my Amazon delivery and bring out the replacement bottle of D&G Red I ordered.
Hmmm mosquito repellent, factor 30, fungus ointment AND Dolce and Gabbana? Why not!